Week 23 MKE Failure vs Success

The key to the secret is in me, it always was!

Failure is harder than success

I can attest to that phrase. Failure comes in all aspects of our lives. Depression was one of my personal failures, the dragon that I constantly fought with and lost to most times. My mental state was always putting me down. I stopped listening to my inner thoughts and the more I ignored them or went against them, they seemed to disapear on me. Other things that were important for my mental health disappeared as well. Slowly belief in myself was deteriorating , until it no longer existed, my bright smile and humorous out look on life was gone, my spirit withered away,what light I had was getting darker and my thoughts were getting scarier. This didn’t happen overnight it took years and it got out of control to the point I was scared for my self. Pleasure for life disappeared, I was so lost and feeling all alone. I wanted to change because I knew I could no longer live my life this way. I was looking for something, I just had no clue what I needed to get well and to go about it. Well the universe it seems was listening to me because I’m happy to say that I found the MKE, a master class on teaching us what we learned growing up was ass backwords. They slowly implemented in us a postive mental attitude, by giving us the tools to use, so we could pratice daily to reinforce in ourselves a postive mental attitude. I learned to ask for what I want not what I don’t want. Feeling without thought is an action that won’t last long. With daily practice of the skills givin to me, I’ve become more aware of the good in life not only in me but in others as well. It’s not like miracles or kindness don’t happen on a dailey basis, I’ve just become more aware of seeing and recognizing it in me. That in turn has helped me see it in others more freely. Now I look for it. I’m happy to say that for the first time since I can remember I didn’t get depressed, I been going through changes which I felt confused and unsure of my self and I’ve fumbled on some days, but now I’m more equipped to handle these mishaps and not dwell on stuff that doesn’t serve me well. I’m a work in progress and knowing that I now have the tools I can achieve anything I want. It’s easier mentally knowing I have the tools to achieve whatever I want and practicing daily a positive mental attitude and living my life on my terms. Fighting the demons is definitely harder. Fighting the anger, and the many negative thoughts about myself and low self worth is an uphill battle, like rowing a boat upstream with a paddle that got me no where. Well not anymore. I’m going downstream with a paddle that now works. I’m liking the light I’m finding in me. It’s great to be out of the darkness. If I should fumble or get a little down, I know now that it’s better to leave that day behind and not waste a moments thought on it and make the next day better than yesterday. I’m nature’s greatest miracle and it’s about time I revel in it. I Norina Lelii promise to continue on this path! My true path. There is no going back to my old life. I’m smiling, my stress is disappearing and more laughter has entered my life. Learning how to forgive myself has lifted the burden of quilt I was allowing to eat at me emotionally. Forgiveness of others is helping me forget the past hurts. I have so much unlimited potential.

Thanks for stopping by and as always have a great day! Norina

Molly and Mia you are Whole perfect strong powerful loving harmonious and happy.

Advertisements

Week 19 in MKE

Negative memories are invading my thoughts at night

This week after the last webinar class, Mark left us with this question. What would the person I intend to become do next? I immediately thought, I need to drastically improve my sleep to improve my health of mind and body. My plan was to go to bed by 12 am and wake up at 9 am. I only did that 1 day so far this week. These past nights as I lay in bed negative flashbacks and they always seem to be different ones where crowding my thoughts. Last night was the worst night by far. I did the law of substitution, by using a memory of a trek in Africa to watch a family of gorillas. It had worked but than another came and I caught myself dwelling on it after a few minutes of it and finally said stop it. I started my affirmations of I am whole perfect strong powerful loving harmonious and happy. The thoughts kept coming. Thoughts of how my old friends only call upon me when they need someone to listen to see or need a favor. There were no feelings of hurt but there were feelings of resentment and sarcasism with those thoughts. I realized I was entertaining them for to long and yelled just stop it and asked the universe for help with these memories, thoughts. Than I turned over and put the TV on, hoping that it would help and the next thing I know my bladder was waking me up in the morning.

This morning I felt like quitting

I was feeling very low this morning, haven’t felt this way for sometime since I’ve been in this class. I was questioning myself do I want to continue or just go back to my old self. I’ve been on journeys in my like where it was just me, it always seems to be just me. My tribe is dead and I even asked in the alliance in 2 different areas of wanting to join an active tribe but didn’t get any responses. I did get a response from a comment I made on a blog, but the response of we’re all from Europe just felt like a put off so I just went along with it. It might not have been there intention it just felt like that to me. So I asked the Universe for help this time and it seems I got an answer. This afternoon there was in my email, a blog from someone I just started following last week, who has nothing to do with MKE. The title. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. It was about insecurity and fear of the unknown and why we shy away from what can actually help us grow. “We must be willing to risk the loss of who we are now, for the potential that who we can be in the future is far better” Adam. His next paragraph begins with an example of starting your mornings earlier. That’s when I realized that the Universe wanted me to see this. Than about an hour later I looked at my FB messenger. I usually wait until evening to check, since I don’t want to get pulled in before I get my readings and lessons in. One of the leaders from Trunited posted a video on choices we all have, but only few apply it. It was about our choice of either being defined by a vision of the future or defined by memories of the past. The moment we make a choice to do something different it becomes uncomfortable, you are going to feel unfamiliar and there will be some uncertainty and unpredictably. In September I decided to do something different by changing my lifestyle of eating, than I decided to join MKE to change my thoughts because I was in search of change. I wanted and needed it. Game was on and I was shedding my weight and when people noticed I didn’t revert back to going off my path and gaining back the weight like I always did. Anytime people of the opposite sex showed any interest in me, I would start keeping them at arms length or if my friends noticed I was losing weight I would start putting weight back on. This time I stayed on my path. I can see myself looking awesome and feeling marvelous in my new skin. It seems my body has been conditioned emotionally to be the mind and it seems my body rather live in fear of the unknown and it’s voices are sending me negative thoughts of failure and thoughts of procrastination. I will get to it tomorrow, it can wait. I believe in that thought and it feels right. I was reminded that no its not right, and that’s it’s a familiar thought and that’s all it is. The one thing that I have not been doing is creating a vision of my future with building a successful business for myself. My inner thoughts of you only no how to work in hospital settings and you only know how help people with there health. What do you know about being a team leader and earning money from a home business. I’ve put my feelings, thoughts and emotions into my health but yet have not used this principle with my other part of my life. The part that wants an abundance of love, money, success and good friends.

Grateful to the Universe for guiding me!

Sometimes you need to hear or see something from a different angle to see what’s staring you right in the face and hit you in the head lol, because this has been taught to us in MKE. What would the person I intend to become do next? I intend to start creating a vision of my future of an abundance of love, money, success and friends. I intend to start my morning creating this vision and living in it with feeling and emotions. I intend to believe that I already have what I want and living like I already have it. Grateful, that I have learned, that I can forget this bad day and leave it behind and greet the new sun with change and unlimited potential. I’m not quitting on me!

Thanks for checking out my blog and have a grateful day. Norina